Need to give someone critical feedback? Do this first.

Sarah Mazur
Oct 24, 2016
3 min read

Check in with yourself. Generally when we are preparing to give someone feedback we are focused on their behaviour. We don’t always stop and consider if there may be anything we have done or not done that has contributed to the situation. As part of your preparation here's a few questions to ask yourself before diving into a feedback conversation.

How much feedback have you given this person to date? Have you been avoiding this conversation only to find the negative behaviour is worsening? A colleague of mine shared with me how he had started out a conversation with one of his staff about poor performance, acknowledging that the problem had been going on for a few weeks explaining he had been remiss in not addressing the situation sooner. He apologised for not raising the issue earlier and for any short-tempered behaviour the person may have experienced as a result of my colleague’s frustrations. This allowed them to open up a dialogue around clear expectations and develop an action plan with SMART goals that would help turn the situation around.
How much of your feedback has been related to great performance? I’m not talking about words of praise like “good job” or “great work” or “thanks for your efforts today”. I’m talking about specific feedback that tells them very clearly what they are doing well and the positive impact it has on their image and the company. Do this at least three times a week and you may find the need for critical feedback disappears entirely.
Have you been very clear about your expectations? The trouble with communication is that often what we say is not what the other person hears. I like to believe the result I get is the meaning of my communication. If someone is not doing what I asked I first stop and consider how well I communicated. Taking responsibility is much more powerful than blaming as it means you can change to be more effective.
Does this person have the underlying ability for the role? Some people are more positive than others, some are naturally optimistic and some smile a lot. There’s no point giving someone feedback they should smile more if it’s not in their nature. You might be better off changing your expectation or finding a role better suited to their personality. Sure, people can change, if they see value in changing and there is support in place to help them on their way. You will be better off getting them to focus on maximising their strengths than changing an ingrained characteristic.
Is the person well paid for their efforts? I’ve had managers complaining that their assistants are clock watchers – arriving and leaving exactly on time – would it kill them to put in an extra half hour to help with the crazy workload everyone is enduring? Isn’t that what junior people do to demonstrate their eagerness to get ahead? Well, yes and no but that’s a subject for another time. What’s more important here is to consider how well they are using their time during the day, are they focused, is their work of a high quality, do they complete their high value tasks in good time?
What’s your intention? The best feedback conversations happen when you want the best for the other party - for instance you may want them to change a behaviour or learn a new skill to be more productive. When the purpose of the feedback is to help them be successful in their role you will likely get the result you are hoping for. If you are feeling the need to tell them off, you might want to buy yourself some time to carefully consider all the events that have got you to this point, see points 1-5 above.

Look out for my next post on using opening statements to set the intention for your next feedback conversation. In the meantime please use the comments box to share your own experience and help this community improve this vital skill.